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You never really know someone until you break up with them. If they don’t go crazy and try to kill you than maybe you should give them a second chance.
United States is where moms get a day and shark get a whole week.
Is it true that the older you get the crazier you become? Or is that just me?
"2 weeks with my baby xoxoxo" lol,calm down romeo&juliet.
Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
I don`t think the lady who just shushed a baby in the library knows how babies work
Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.
I`m sorry. I know I said hi, but I wasn`t really prepared for any follow-up conversation.
I just did a bunch of crunches and curls. There were Nestle Crunches and cheese curls, but still. I`m exhausted.
Would an obsession with the imperial measurement system be considered a foot fetish?
Whenever I get sick, I get my immune system drunk so it will fight anything.
I use these ( ... ) a lot. For which, I believe, the technical term is Dotty Dot Dots.
Buys Mega-Millions ticket. Has a better chance of being hit by lightning in a cave.
I hate to rub it in, but lotion doesn`t really work otherwise.
When you think about how big the Earth is, then how small it is compared to the Sun, and how the Sun is just a speck of dust in the universe, it`s easy to justify eating an entire chocolate cake.