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Is a roasted peanut like a regular peanut that was made fun of by celebrity peanuts?
I bought a blowup doll today, but I won`t blow her up until tomorrow. I don`t want to seem desperate.
All the women moaning about finding a husband obviously never had one.
I don`t exactly have a "to do" list. I have what you might call "If I ever log off Facebook and feel like getting around to doing it" list.
I don’t appreciate the 5 minute radio ads about how commercial-free the station is.
I can`t wait to find my soul mate so I can start sleeping on the couch.
If you have to use a shot glass to make your drinks then you`re not doing it right...
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the bitch that they claim I am.
I`ve spent the past four years looking for my ex-wife`s killer, but no one will do it.
The feeling you get when a woman asks you to guess her age is like wondering whether to cut the blue wire or the green wire when defusing a bomb.
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I`d never be bored again.
Afraid my muffin top is desiring to become a pound cake.
I`m a little Stressed right now ... Just turn around and leave quietly and no one gets hurt.
No matter how many gross facts you tell me about McDonald’s I’m still gonna eat it.
at my age, the best part of waking up is the fact that I did wake up