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This bartender doesn`t know it yet, but she is probably going to make me 36 hours late for work tomorrow.
Out of all the lies I`ve ever told, "Just kidding" is my favorite.
Scientist say that universe is made up of Electrons, Protons and Neutrons...They forgot to mention MORONS...
Age has its advantages. Too bad I can`t remember what they are.
Anybody else have that annoying problem of Work and Family interfering with your FaceBook time?
Are security guards at Samsung stores called Guardians of the Galaxy?
I have every episode of Hoarders saved on DVD.
Don`t forget, If anyone asks we are a normal family.
You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you’ve had?
It might look like I`m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I`m quite busy.
Apparently, when people say "I could use a hand" it doesn`t mean they want to get slapped in the face.
Who decided that we should sit together in groups while we chew food?
Did you know , that if you use asterisk , you can do anything you want ? * gets on a t-rex and gallops away into the sunset *
I was the only one that cared when Jimmy cracked corn.
That awkward moment when you remember something funny, and can’t stop smiling like an idiot.