Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I like to walk through the mall and hand out bags of Cheetos to all the kids I see wearing white clothes
Dear Haters, I have so much more for you to be mad at me for...please be patient.
I’m great at remembering names. I just don’t remember which one’s yours.
Randomly print things to give your co-workers the impression you’re working.
Why do they call it "hiring a hitman" and not "ordering takeout"
I can`t wait to be rich so I can price things from high to low instead of low to high when shopping online.
The majority of Americans support sending Congress to Syria.
I`m a compulsive liar. Every thing I say is a lie. And that`s the truth.
In alcohol`s defence, I`ve done some pretty dumb sh*t while completely sober too.
I’m glad I’m me, I don’t think anybody else could take it.
My Superpower is eating 5 times the "suggested serving" size.
My dad use to take me to the circus to see the clowns, freakshows and the bearded lady. Now... I can see them anytime shopping at Walmart.
Do you ever get the feeling that you`re being watched? Because if it`s bothering you, I`ll stop.
Why do they call it "Jew-ish"? Are they not Jew enough?
Baby Polar Bear: Mommy, am I really a Polar Bear? Mother: Of course you are. Why? Baby Polar Bear: `Cause I`m fukcing freezing!"