Daily Silly Status

Cashiers are always checking me out.

I never care whether or not my glass is half full or half empty... cause I drink straight from the bottle!

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, `13...13....13...13.` The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on. Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick. Then they all started shouting. `14...14...14...14....

he who laughs last thinks slow

The kids left w/my parents for a week. I plan to run around the house for an hour yelling "woo hoo", but after that my schedule is wide open

Best grilled cheese ever!! All I did was add a hamburger patty.

I should come with a warning label.

At this age, I drive everything like I stole it because sometimes I forget which car is mine.

TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.

Love is... saving money to buy her shoes!

I don’t care how loud I’m laughing, I’m having fun and you’re not.

"Hello 911?" "Someone just stole my status on Facebook... yes, I`ll hold."

Sometimes, even I`m afraid of the things my mind comes up with.

Sometimes I get a little sad and feel like being alone. But then I talk to my dog about it and he reminds me I`m Awesome. Then WE DANCE.

MARRIAGE TIP: Don`t get fat.