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For Valentine`s Day my wife wanted to.... well, you know. It started with her handcuffing me to the bed. And for three solid hours she watched whatever she wanted on television
I’m not a marketing expert. But if I was selling milk, the cartons would be boob shaped.
I`d rather run into the four horsemen of the apocalypse than a group of women out on a "girls` night."
Grab the bull by the horns. The other end is too gross...
I`m one more weekend on the couch away from being a throw pillow.
Whoever said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery hasn`t had a 7yo mimicking their every word for the last 10 minutes.
He turned to her, ran his hand up her thigh, across her belly and down her legs. When he turned back to watch TV, she asked "Why stop?" "I found the remote!" he replied.
My death bed confession is going to be epic!
im like the government: i spend money on things that aren`t important, and spend most of my time trying to explain to people why i need them.
I`m a Leader not a follower. Unless it`s a dark place...then you`re going first!
If Apple made a car, would it have windows?
If I agreed with you we´d both be wrong.
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon
This cold weather makes me half the man I used to be.
If Facebook has taught us anything, it`s that a lot of people are not quite ready for a Spelling Bee.