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I don`t think I could love any person as much as I love BACON... Mmmmm Bacon...
Why fart and waste it, when you can burp and taste it
Are you bored? Head over to Walmart, go into a fitting room, shut the door, wait awhile, and then yell very loudly, `Hey! There`s no toilet paper in here.`
I just want to read, have a snack, then take a nap. Basically, I just want to be in kindergarten again.
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad
Dear alcohol we had a deal where you were supposed to make me cool, sexy, charming and a great dancer........I seen a video......we need to talk.
I`m allergic to gluten free diets.
A good man can make you feel sexy, strong, and able to take on the world ...Oh sorry ...That`s wine ...Wine does that.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day............ Palm Sunday is just around the corner
My wife is a perfectionist but she made an exception in my case.
I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!
I dont need to control my anger everyone around me needs to control their habit of pissing me off!
I don’t make mistakes too often, but when I do it’s your fault.
I dont believe in beating my kids, so I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt & crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me.
The club sandwich, for when a knuckle sandwich just isn`t enough...