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I thought Match .com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it`s a website to find love. So I was close.
I try to explain to my kids during the movie that in reality, even a cowardly lion would eat a girl and a little dog.
A hospital is the only commercial establishment where the worse service they provide you, the more you`ll come back.
Unsettling sounds #23 - Ice-cream van after dark
I always honk when I drive by homeless guys sleeping, just in case they overslept for a meeting
What Meatloaf wouldn`t do for love I would probably do for a six pack.
I´m on a whisky diet. I´ve lost three days already!
I like to say, "Well, enough with the small talk" before anyone has a chance to speak.
Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries".
When people have cars as their profile picture I automatically presume they are a transformer.
I`ll never forget the first time I saw a dry erase board, "Wow" I thought, "that`s remarkable"
The only difference between Black Friday and a zombie apocalypse is that zombies don`t care if you get the last iPad Mini.
Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, that chicken had to be somewhere between 7` to 10` tall.
This debate episode has to be the craziest Celebrity Apprentice I`ve ever seen!
"I’m definitely going to do that tomorrow.” — Me being delusional