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Always look out for #1. Don´t step in #2 either.
I asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well isn`t that what M.O.M stands for?"
I love you in a bipolar way because I hate you.
People saying "Laugh my a$$ off" and still having an a$$ next time I see them is the reason I have trust issues.
My co workers put cookies on my desk, like they`re leaving a sacrifice for an angry god.
I`d share my Netflix login but I`m too embarrassed by "My List".
People think I`m crazy because I talk to my cat. What am I supposed to do? Just ignore him when he asks me a question?
Is it just me or do mirrors look really sexy?
The best part about being a pathological liar is flying my helicopter to my private island.
The Three Up`s in life: 1. Show 2. Keep 3. Shut
Hey ladies, tired of your man complaining about how long it takes you to get ready? Start blow drying your hair in the nude. I promise no more complaints.
It seems racist that they call it Black Friday just because a bunch of people are trying to get into stores in the middle of the night.
Hell hath no fury like a girl tagged in an unapproved pic on Facebook.
Can I just drop it like it’s luke warm? It’s been a long day and I’m tired.
Kids maybe a gift..... But I like playing with the box it came in.