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Word on the street is... Lol. Jk. I don`t go outside.
It’s always hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they’re always taking things literally.
I’m pretty busy today, so if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me that would be great. Thanks!
This post is just for you.
Instead of a selfie, you should take a someone elsie.
I`m pretty sure God just pointed at me and laughed.
Some Facebook friends are like ghost you dont see them but you know their there
Its national shave your... Well, tomorrow is valentine`s day. Just an FYI.
I haven`t talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn`t want to interrupt her.
Fashion is what you call hideous clothes that are really expensive
Being an adult is a lot like going to the vet. We`re all excited for the ride until we realize what it`s like where we`re going.
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
According to my roommate`s diary, I have boundary issues.
Roses are red violets are blue vodka cost less than dinner for 2.
It`d be nice if the married people would leave some of the single people for the rest of the single people.