Daily Silly Status

I don’t want to sound racist, but all stormtroopers look the same to me.

I started to question my sanity this morning, It told me to "Shut up and chew through the straps....). I was free by noon......Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

My friend told me that bigamy was having one wife to many. I thought that was called monogamy.

I couldn’t believe it yesterday, when I came home and was told by my wife that my 5-year-old son wasn’t actually mine. She says that I need to pay more attention when picking him up from school…

Saying that your company has been in business since the 1800`s isn`t a selling point. Slavery existed then too...

Meant to tell my kid "Good night, I love you," but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school tomorrow because this is bullsh!t"

Just saw a coyote next to the highway. I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.

I don`t know why people say "your guess is as good as mine"? ..because my guesses are always better. ;)

I`m "got my sexual education from a 2 Live Crew cassette tape" years old.

I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.

In the interest of improving the workplace, my company has put up signs that say: CAUTION. OPEN DOORS SLOWLY ... My best time so far is 7 min.

You ever notice that the number of extra steps a drunk takes getting home? ...its staggering!

I like to think that people that unfriend me wake up months later regretting that irreversible and life altering decision.

The longer a Woman takes to get ready, the easier it is to piss her off.. it`s Science

Smelling another person should be a choice.