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You`ve reached the limitations of my medications.
3 shots of vodka can erase 8 hours of rage in 15 minutes. That’s all the math you really need to know.
If this world got any smaller I`d probably fall off - George T. Ignace
If it rains on a dream catcher, does that make it a wet dream catcher?
Irish Handcuffs: Holding a beer in each hand.
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old...
It`s shocking how much unhappiness is caused by the pressure to be happy.
Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I`d highly recommend Fight Club.
To do list- (1). Go to pet store. (2). Buy bird seeds. (3). Ask how long it will take for the birds to grow. (4). Wait for the reaction.
I like to follow random families around Disneyland for a day and just be in the background of all their photos.
If Mary Poppins floated in on an umbrella today, they`d shoot her out of the sky with a drone.
It’s funny how “You’re so funny” turns into “You think everything’s a f*cking joke” in just 3 months…
Insanity does not run in my family. It strolls through, taking it`s time and getting to know each one of us personally.
You`d think the self checkout lanes would have more mirrors.
Apparently the maximum number of times you can keep getting back in line for Communion wafers is 4.