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It`s weird how we are all here because of boners
We always say that our elders are wise, because of their years of experience. But you know what? ... Stupid people get old too.
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
Please, if I ever offend you, it’s because I meant to.
You are the pebble in my shoe of people
If people rode their spouses like they did their brakes the divorce rate would drop drastically.
The true definition of safe sex is having a padded headboard.
Police officer: Ma`am do you know why I pulled you over? Me: I`m just as confused as you are.
TIP: If cars are passing you on the highway in the LEFT lane, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RIGHT LANE!
Every novel is a mystery, if you never finish it.
From all these shows I`ve watched it seems like snipers lay down a lot of the day....I`d probably be pretty good at that job.
She heard me call her a bitch so now I have 100 problems.
So far I’ve spent most of 2014 flipping off the weather channel.
I just want you to be happy. And naked.
U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. how many fish do you have?? stop counting smart one fish can`t drown