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Facebook game requests are like the Jehovah`s witnesses of the internet.
Why do TV shows say "May contain nudity"? It either does or doesn`t. Don`t make me watch the entire thing and find out the hard way it doesn`t....
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m coming to your house with a facking baseball bat.
Siri, destroy the vehicle in front of me.
Tyler on Facebook says he ran 1.7 miles this morning… So based on calculations, I have 35 minutes to ransack his house tomorrow morning.
My neighbor came rudely banging at my door at 2:30 am, luckily for him I was up practicing on my new drums
There could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing next to you right now, and you`d have no Idea...
Exercise makes you look better naked. Alcohol does the same, you pick..
I am now convinced that the homeless people have all of the shopping carts that do not have the wobbly wheels.
I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.
I thought there`d be more sex during my sexual prime.
All through school I assumed they saved the number 1 pencils for the smart kids
You call it camping. I call it getting drunk with insects.
The problem with reality is that there’s no background music, so you never really know whether something mysterious, evil or adventurous is about to happen.
Research is what I`m doing when I don`t know what I`m doing.