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scream outloud and really fast "I won a math debate"
I made a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number one: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes? Hurt like hell.
I don`t have a smartphone I have a phone that shows potential but doesn`t apply itself
Forecast for the weekend... mild alcoholism, with a 70% chance of poor decisions and impaired judgement. Increasing chance of regret and hangover for Sunday.
Things that make women emotional- 1) sad movies 2) love stories 3) anything 4) everything
I used to think i was good at multi-tasking. Turns out its just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.
Don`t get me wrong, this Chinese take-out is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice
Its national shave your... Well, tomorrow is valentine`s day. Just an FYI.
I told everybody at work that I`ve got 18 cats just to make sure none of them ever want to come over for anything.
Why does no one ever talk about where a bear pees?
I`m going to start tackling random guys in football jerseys saying "look how he`s dressed. He was asking for it!"
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the b!tch they claim I am.
when i die i want to be thrown out of an airplane with a superman costume
After socializing and being nice to people all day it`s nice to sit down, drink by myself, and be an a$$hole on the Internet.
I play hard to get along with.