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I shouldn`t have to work. People should just pay me for being awesome.
"The Ugly Duckling" has a great message. Everything in life will work itself out once you become physically attractive.
You can always tell the guys that masturbate a lot by looking at their hands. If you look close enough you can see their wedding ring.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but Iām still looking.
Sometimes I think of something so wrong and inappropriate that my little black heart skips a beat with delight.
That awkward moment when you say goodbye to someone and then both walk in the same direction..
Me: You`ve dimmed the lights already, aren`t we forward? * smiles suggestively * Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen.
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the heck are you doing?
Yoga is a great way to meet and embarrass yourself in front of women
To a cop, doing donuts in a parking lot has a whole different meaning.
OK look, if I meet you for a date and you don`t look anything like your pic, then you`re buying drinks for me until you do.
I self medicate, therefore you live.
Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry.
There is no vulnerable feeling like when you are about to sneeze ... with a mouthful of rice.
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever...