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You seem to love cocktails... or part of it.
I go to McDonald`s once a month just to replenish the napkin stash in my car
Women are fascinated by mythical creatures like unicorns, vampires, and men who are good listeners.
People who are offended by offensive things offend me.
When life is stressful, do something to lift your spirits. Go for a drive. Go two or three thousand miles away. Maybe change your name.
Does anyone know how much water I`m supposed to add to this baby powder, to make an infant?
Social Media Awkwardness: When people "like" a relationship status of being single by your ex instead of yours.
When they say all expenses paid, does that include bail?
I took out an ad for a girlfriend recently and 10 guys tried to give me theirs.
Happy National hear fireworks all day and night set off by Drunk People you wouldn`t trust with a Glo-Stick Day.
Hey bartender, pour me another, I see ugly people.
If at first you don`t succeed, you`ll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn`t succeed either.
Just heard someone pronounce the H in wheel so I`m gonna need a minute
I hate when reality happens outside of my head.
Why does the sound of the recliner opening always remind my wife the trash needs to be taken out?