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Teamwork is just another way of saying we will soon be sharing in the blame equally.
It hurts to be in love. Oh wait, I`m sitting on my keys.
You`re so dumb you have to get naked to count to 21.
Dang I didn`t make it to the gym today! That makes 5 years in a row
If you`re a vegan an atheist and a liberal, how do you choose which way to annoy people at Thanksgiving first?
Let`s party like there`s no tomorrow and call in sick if there is one.
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn`t concentrate.
If you play my workday backwards, it’s actually a nice story about idiots getting less and less annoying.
I suspects that whoever named that Icelandic volcano (Eyjafjallajokull) must have fallen asleep on their keyboard while thinking it up.
Don`t hate me because I`m beautiful. Hate me because your man thinks I am.
Every Facebook photo album could be titled either "Envy Me!" or "Pity Me!"
Lazy Rule: If you spill water, It will eventually dry.
My memory foam has amnesia
Light beer and turkey bacon probably won`t kill you but why take the chance??
Take my advice; I don’t use it anyway.