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If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?
Clearly the people that design refrigerators don`t know me if they think one tiny cheese drawer and two giant vegetable drawers is the way to go.
You know your phone can take pictures of other people too right? Just checking.
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
I let a girl go through my phone recently so a colonoscopy really doesn’t scare me anymore.
Roses are red! violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Snot.
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? ;)
If intelligent people don’t start having babies as fast as the trash in “honey boo boo”, we’re headed for a very dumb future. Am I the only one that sees this?!
Some of my best memories are naps.
There are 2 kinds of people: 1) Happy morning people 2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people
No one`s lazier than the guy who came up with the name for Juicy Juice.
When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think what would grandma do, then I leave home in my nightie & shout at random strangers.
Life hack: If you keep your mouth shut, no one will know you`re so stupid
If at first you don’t succeed, you shouldn’t diffuse bombs.
Common Sense is so rare, it should be classified as a super power.