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Hey, if anyone needs help raising their kids, come talk to me. I`ve been one for 30 some years now.
The other day someone told me I could make ice cubes out of leftover wine. I was confused... What is leftover wine?
Fun Fact: if you took the skin of an average person and laid it out flat,you would have enough for a serious criminal conviction :)
The first rule of Right Club is that your wife is the only member of Right Club
Somebody is out there, somewhere, thinking of the impact you`ve made in their life. It`s not me. I think your an idiot.
It’s a strange moment, when you realize that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals, birds, and insects desperately trying to get laid.
If by "help decorate the tree" you mean drinking beer on the couch yelling out everything you`re doing wrong, then yeah, count me in.
Me? Stalk? No, I just observe... behind a tree... at night…in the rain.
A month ago I gave my number to this beautiful girl. She said "I will text you when I get home". I think she`s homeless.
I`m not saying your cat doesn`t care about you, I`m saying if Lassie was a cat, Timmy would still be in that well.
When my kid grows up they`re not aloud to date until they`re married.
Saying a prayer for all the turkeys today. Also the single people with concerned relatives.
I use my imagination to solve problems. And by imagination, I mean booze.
i havnt seen any status`s about ninjas lately.... well played ninjas
When you are not happy and would like to go back to being young, think of Algebra!