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I hit a parked car today so naturally I left a note. It said "Die, Decepticons! Die!"
It`s pretty stupid the way mornings have to come every morning.
The guy below me obviously doesn`t know that R2-D2 is in movies, not television
Every-time I run I hear Mario Brothers theme song in my head, and look for things to jump over.
Common sense is like deodorant; those that need it most, don’t use it.
I hate how homeless people shake their coin cups at me. I get it. No need to gloat that they have more money than me.
The real reason the Mayan civilization collapsed is they never updated their Adobe.
I always walk through my office with a stern look on my face and a toilet plunger to avoid conversations.
"Safely remove USB." Who does that?
Give a man a fish and chances are you won`t be asked to be in charge of buying a gift "from all of us" anymore.
A shark will only attack you if you’re wet.
life is too short to match socks
Do you think the inventor of the USB will be buried twice? The 2nd time because they put him in the wrong way?
You`re not the sharpest knife in my back.
To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things, 1) You tried your best. 2) I don`t like pickles on my BigMac.