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The Wizard of Oz is really just a cautionary tale about the lengths a woman will go to for the right shoes.
They might want to put a picture of that airplane on a milk carton.
You know it`s been a good day when you finally take your pajamas off - and put some new ones on.
It hurts when you goto unfriend someone only to discover they beat you to it
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated but can’t pronounce it.
You know you are old when your birthday suit doesn`t fit anymore.
Don`t ``Wine and dine`` me ... ``Champagne`` me ... step it up a notch
I would die if I had to stop exaggerating.
Just so I`m sure to make friends, I like to walk in the bar carrying a handful of phone chargers.
Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents.
Every girl is beautiful, sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it....
People who don`t understand sarcasm are awesome.
Whenever you hear the phrase "Oh no he didn`t" you can rest assured that he did.
Cubs fans, you need to wait 107 more years. But don`t worry, 2124 will be here before you know it!
What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?