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Jehovah`s witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don`t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
Dear shaving commercials, stop shaving hairless legs. If you want impress us, please shave a gorilla.
"I don`t care if you think it sounds gross, that`s what we`re calling it" -Guy who named the sweater.
It takes patience to listen, it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
I`m not sayin you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
Scientist Proved That There are more Than 124786534688644478 People Living In This world who are Too Lazy To Read The Above Number...!!!
There was a HUGE spider in the shower.. So I ran into the living room screaming naked.. Now my daughters` friends probably won`t be allowed over anymore..
I can understand your anger at me, but what could you possibly have against the horse I rode in on?
All my passwords are protected by amnesia.
My browser asks "are you sure?" when I clear my history as if theres anyone more sure of what theyre doing than someone clearing his history
I always find the "easy-open tab" right after I finally manage to tear the package open with my teeth.
Don’t expect a “bless you” after the 4th sneeze…get your self together
All a girl wants is a guy that can make her laugh ... and not just when he drops his pants.
"Are u going to the circus?" is a perfectly good sentence when not used as a follow-up 2 your wife`s question: "how does my make-up look?"
Only 3 more days until millions of people join the gym for a week.