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I never thought I’d be the type of person who would get up early in the morning to exercise. I was right.
I`ve come to believe that everyone on Earth could benefit from a 12 step program.
Sorry I can’t make it to your party tonight. I have to get up really early tomorrow afternoon.
Admit it, at some point in time you’ve tried to see if you had superpowers.
Oh, you have a brand new boyfriend? Please tell me more about how you think he`s `the one`.
How many decades of knowing someone before it`s rude to ask what their name is?
Dogs are God`s way of apologizing for your relatives.
St Patricks Day, when you can eat lucky charms dowsed in beer and everyone thinks..great idea!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how likely is it that your dumbass will say 11?
Some people walk into your life and leave footprints on your heart. Some people walk into life and make you want to leave footprints on their face
:): The Bipolar smiley face
According to my current parking spot I`m a physician.
Subway only exists because we`re all too damn lazy to throw a sandwich together. "Could you lay meat on that bread for me? Here`s $8."
All women have an hour glass figure – it’s just that they all tote around different amounts of sand.
The iPad: Because the iPhone was too small for other people to notice you.