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Wedding: The really expensive party taking place relatively 5-10 years before your divorce.
What do sleeping and sex have in common? I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
I knew the fun part of my life was over when my friends started getting pregnant on purpose
Why do blurry people always ask me if Iām drunk?
You are here: X
Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.
They say that you are what we eat. This means that I am cheap, easy and ready in 2 minutes!
Old video games couldn`t be won. They just got harder and harder until you died. Just like real life.
Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you`re not being arrested?
I`m sorry, all I hear is your perfume
I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.
that awkward moment when a bug or fly lands on your computer screen in your first reaction is to scare it away with the cursor.
I don`t need your advice. I do a great job of screwing up my life all by myself, thank you!
You`re about as deep as a kiddies splash-pool..
Ice skating is just walking in cursive.