Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You know why you like me ... Cause your f*ckin crazy too!!!
Okay, calm down. Its a spider. Just one tiny litt- HOLY MOLY IT MOVED!
Thank you, True Crime, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
I`ll take "who the f*ck would know that" for $600, Alex.
One time I snuck a whole rotisserie chicken into a movie, cause candy is for amateurs.
According to these court documents, the way to a woman`s heart isn`t through her bedroom window.
AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise.
If you piss off a girl, just play dead. That sh!t works with bears and they`re just as dangerous as angry women.
I don`t lift so maybe I`m wrong about this, but I feel like Popeye might be focusing on his forearms too much.
You find my yoga pants distracting ... would you like me to take them off?
If my calculations are right, by November of 2019 my uneven usage of conditioner will finally lap the shampoo and I will run out of both at the exact same time.
Finally in bed. No better time to start thinking about every possible thing that has or ever could happen.
I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me three time while carrying me to the car.
Don`t just be one of those people who stares at their phone or computer twelve hours a day. It`s important to also watch some TV.
It makes me sad that the closest I`ll ever get to `hulking out` is splitting my trousers when I bend over.