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Ask your doctor if walking blindly into traffic is right for you
Note to Denver Broncos: Marijuana is NOT a performance enhancing drug!
“I promise”, “I am sorry”, and “I love you” all have eight letters, but then again, so does “bullshit”.
My girlfriend wanted me to show her a good time, so I showed her pictures of me before we met.
I never get nervous or embarrassed. That`s just some sh*t that sober people who leave the house have to worry about.
After visiting the gov`t healthcare site, I don`t know why I was so worried about their ability to spy on me...
Just give me coffee and no one gets hurt.
It`s 2014, people. Isn`t it about time we put an end to all this `wake up in the morning and go to work` nonsense?
Since you no longer have a calendar I`d like to notify all the Mayans that it has been one year since the end of the world.
Flu (noun) - The only time when having used tissues laying next to your bed is socially acceptable.
This goes out to the person who thought of the idea to put stickers on each and every piece of fruit. "Nobody like`s your idea"
Statistically: 1 in 7 dwarfs are grumpy
I bet attractive people think the world is a lot more polite than it really is.
My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.