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Im thinking about writing a book about my life, I just have to wait for the statue of limitations to expire.
#Redskins QB Robert Griffin III back after surgery to reconstruct the ACL and repair the LCL in his right knee. He`s now RG 3.2
Gift cards: The best way to say "Here, you figure it out..."
Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?
If anyone could do it, it wouldn`t be called PROcrastination.
I found a spider in my shoe. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
I`m having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... ok by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
If Starbucks delivered, I would be a morning person.
Sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs
I can`t wait to find my soul mate so I can start sleeping on the couch.
The best thing about smartphones is that you don`t have to refold maps anymore.
"Hi, I`m here to ruin your life" - Social media
Depresso; the feeling you get when you`ve run out of coffee.
I got up this morning and think I saw my shadow. I´m going back to bed for six weeks.
At funerals instead of crying, I tie the dead person’s shoe laces together. It’s not stupid. What if he comes back as a zombie?