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You can stop lifting weights now; it’s actually your personality that nobody likes.
You seem to love cocktails... or part of it.
On the bright side, I`m relieved we live in a society where we acknowledge that the people who make sandwiches are artists.
The pollen is so bad this year that the people in the trailer parks are turning their crystal meth back into Sudafed.
I wouldn`t mind being alone with my thoughts, if I didn`t know them all so well.
The person that named the eggplant probably isn’t allowed to name things anymore.
has often thought that what doesn’t kill us makes us drink stronger liquor.
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait...
Tonight`s weather forecast: dark. Continued dark overnight with widely scattered of light by morning.
In a parallel universe calories are trying to burn people.
At 4-way stop, the first person to finish their text has the right of way right?
Going to a bar where "everybody knows your name" sounds terrifying.
The five stages of Sunday: depression, anger, bargaining, acceptance, Netflix
I just discovered my oven CAN CLEAN ITSELF! Naturally I will be searching my apartment looking for similar buttons.
Whoever said “There is nothing as precious as a child’s laughter” obviously never fell down a flight of stairs in front of his kids.