Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
LISTEN: It was sweet of you to suck the venom out of my snake bite, but if you really loved me... you would have swallowed.
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets?
I drink to make other people interesting
The recipe said “Set the oven to 180 degrees,” so I did, but now I can’t open it because the door faces the wall.
It’s amazing how little information I need on someone before I decide I don’t like them.
That annoying feeling when you finally downloaded the movie you wanted to watch and BOOM!... It`s in French. #F**kYouFrance
"No! Don`t go into the church! Nooo!" ... "Honey, what movie are you watching?" ... "Our wedding video."
I`ve probably spent a solid year of my life just staring into the refrigerator
Remember the good ole days when we had to get out of bed to use the Internet.
Found out the name of my neighbor`s cat. In other news, I now have free internet.
Don’t let anyone tell you how to live your life! Unless you’re an idiot. In that case, please listen carefully.
Your baby has no idea that you threw him a 1st birthday party. All you did was inconvenience your friends.
I hate it when old people poke you at weddings and say you`re next. So I`ve started poking them at funerals
Whenever I receive a text saying bahaha, I like to believe you are a sheep on drugs.
At least a stalker is there for you.