Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I like to play fetch with my cat....which, you know, is just me throwing stuff,,, followed by disappointment.
I like the part of the day where we eat the food.
So can we just skip to summer now?
I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.
Tried to text "playa" but it changed it to "player" I must have the white iPhone.
If a Donkey and Zebra ever mate they`d have to call the offspring a Zonkey because Debra is already taken.
Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I know where you can buy drugs"
Me: Mom...Dad. I`ve decided to live on my own from now on. Parents: ok, cool. Me: Your luggage is outside
The correct term for gluten-free, sugarless, vegan brownies is "compost."
In the morning there`s a huge difference between 6:00 and 6:05.
If sex between 3 people is called a Threesome and sex between 2 people is called a Twosome... Why is Handsome still a compliment?
Things ain`t nobody got time for: That
People be like: "Awe baby you make me so happy." But the second you break up they be like, "finally happy."
First you told me to be myself now you`re telling to me not be an idiot. Make up your mind woman!
I didn`t know until this week that so many people I know are politicians...