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I wrote you this love poem: Here, just take my credit card.
My need for caffeine is so bad I`m going to AA for the free coffee
I think it`s safe to assume that people buying stock in twitter have never actually been on twitter.
When exactly are they going to make Xanax fit my Pez Dispenser?
Accidentally used AOL.com, I betting the employees there are celebrating and think they have a sure future.
He is proud of himself. He finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Just found out my birthday is the same day I was born... Life is crazy...
FYI, Target does not give prizes, no matter how many bullseyes you hit in the store with a paintball gun
You really are the cat`s pajamas, and by that I mean you`re a stupid idea.
why don`t we get discounts for ringing up our own groceries in self checkout?
I just ate some generic Frosted Flakes.... They"rrrrreeee alright.
Clearly if you have to blame yourself, you`re not hanging out with enough people.
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch yesterday.