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I have no time for games in my relationships. Unless by games you`re referring to naked twister. I`ve always got time for that sh!t.
Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges, to stop the weirdos from following you.
ME: “We have a problem, the liquor store is closed.” HER: “That`s ok, I don’t drink.” ME: “Ok we have two problems.”
WARNING:: going to bed on Sunday will cause Monday.
I’ll call it a “smart phone” the day I yell, “Where’s my phone?!” and it answers, “I’m here! Under your covers!”
I`m sorry I got salsa on your baby, and I`m extra sorry I scraped it off with a chip
Congratulations! I`ve finally snapped, and you`re first on my list!
I don`t just burn bridges, I drain the lake, fill it with concrete, and build a shopping mall on that bitch!
Coffee: fueling you for a job you can`t stand to support a life you never wanted. Tastes good though...
My cardio is shopping.
"Cannot connect to network. Reset your wireless router." "Umm, okay, but what if my router is in my neighbour`s house? Should I call him?"
If thought bubbles appeared over our heads, I would get punched in the face a lot more.
I`ll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones
I bet my road rage will be taken seriously once I get a car.
At any given time my wallet is worth more than its contents.