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Those awkward moments when you catch yourself feeling frustrated with your kids for being just like you....
Whenever I start to hate my job I think about the camera crew who has to follow the Kardashian’s 24/7.
Being a vegetarian is hard at first but after a month or so you get used to telling everyone you`re a vegetarian.
I meant to make you a rum cake but somehow I made you a plain cake and now I’m drunk.
I`m not a father, but I have been called "daddy" a few times.
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, `You`re only interested in one thing,` and you can`t remember what it is.
I think I just discovered Newton’s third law of Emotion: ..... "For every male action, there is an equal and opposite female overreaction."
is pondering why people have a favorite color M&M when they all taste the same!
Why am I always right but people still ignore me...?
Never trust a man wearing more than 0 necklaces.
"I want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman. But I don`t feel like getting married 3 times." - Hesam Ebrahim
My friend told me his girlfriend talks a lot in her sleep..Apparently "I know" was not the right answer...
is wondering why books on "how to make women happy" arent displayed in the fiction section
I’ve found that I can usually judge how hot a woman is by how many times my girlfriend calls her a whore.
Shouting "Not it!" should still make us exempt from doing anything that we don`t feel like doing.