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Do people who run know that we’re not food anymore.
Some things get in the way of my happiness, so I ignore them.
I wonder if any Disney managers ever start a meeting off with "What kind of Mickey Mouse operation are we running around here?"
Not to brag, but I don`t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
There is literally no way of knowing how many chameleons are in your house.
I only call them yoga pants because Netflix and eat leftovers pants was too long.
If you like counting to three, you are going to love parenting.
Just bent over to pick up a beer that rolled out of the fridge and realized yoga is exhausting
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
I don`t have a drinking problem, you have a problem with my drinking. Big difference.
Five second rule? Pfft. What`s the point of having an immune system if you`re not going to use it?
You say hangover. I say out of booze.
Getting another set of teeth would be much more useful at age 60 than age 6.
You’d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
Gravity didn`t seem this strong twenty-five years ago.