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I like candlelit dinners, long walks on the beach and hardcore pornography.
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out.
On the highway, getting passed by a minivan is the football equivalent to getting tackled by the kicker.
Dear facebook, please quit asking me what`s on my mind. Eventually I`m going to get in trouble if I keep telling you.
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of America wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
If you ever feel sad remember that there’s a number you can call and a pizza will be there in 30 minutes.
ready for bed - gunna give my sheets some arse and my pillows head;]
Tried to text "playa" but it changed it to "player" I must have the white iPhone.
"I smell carrots. Do you smell carrots? `cause I smell carrots..." ~ Snowmen.
If I ever start a band, I`m going to call it The Voices in My Head. Think of all the fun ways you can tell other people what you`re listening to...
You don`t know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, and you take all the covers with you.
Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again...
Ever notice how many friends you have when you pull out a pack of gum?
Several years ago Facebook came in to our lives forever changing our ability to judge each other from our couches.
My husband told me he needed more space ... So I locked him outside.