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I think I`m gonna shave my legs so that there`s less wind resistance when I run to the fridge for a beer.
If Plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Keep calm.
That`s like asking the fat guy to watch the pie.
At any given time, my wallet is worth more than it’s contents.
STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life.
"Let`s give the bad guy a ponytail." - 80s movies
Is somebody not editing what I´m saying here???
That awkward moment when the majority of people think your status is stupid.
You’re really not as bad as people say. You’re much, much worse.
You should have seen the guy who unlocked the liquor store this morning. It was like he never saw anyone roll up a sleeping bag before.
Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So incase you were wondering. ...41, guys,...that`s the limit.
Understanding women number 476,395: Women like to talk about their feelings.
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.
If you surround your house in police tape, the odds of you being robbed drops dramatically.
“Have you tried just eating a ton of pizza?”- me as a therapist