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Besides creating dinosaurs are mosquitos good for anything?
I don’t have a problem with caffeine.I have a problem without caffeine.
So, when is this Old Enough To Know Better thing supposed to kick in?
I don`t care how smart your phone is, it`s not going to change how stupid you are.
If you can`t handle me at my worst...I don`t blame you, neither can I.
So, if I lie to the government, it’s a felony. But if they lie to me its politics?
I glued the TV remote to my wife. I`m expecting her to go missing any second now.
You`d think he`d be better at this with all the porn he watches
You`d think my password was "yourmom" because the computer said it was too easy.
It won`t be the alcohol or cigarettes that kill me. It will be my inability to know when I should or shouldn`t laugh at something.
If goldfish crackers actually tasted like goldfish-- wait, I just realized I`ve never tasted a goldfish. What if the crackers are accurate?
Men who claim women belong in the kitchen definitely do not know what to do with them in the bedroom!
Just because nobody complains doesn`t mean all parachutes are perfect.
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.
I just slid off the couch and lay on the floor for a while and eventually sat up without using my hands, is that a yoga class?