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Diet goal: I want to lose just enough so that my hand will fit comfortably in a Pringles can...
Some people might as well post ‘Wants Attention’ as their Facebook status.
The pollen is so bad this year that the people in the trailer parks are turning their crystal meth back into Sudafed.
I think that there are two things that we can all agree on: Boobs.
Friends are like orgasms... nobody wants the fake ones.
Some will forget, the others are simply women.
When googling something, I always use Caps Lock so that the people from Google know it`s urgent.
The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry’s in the oven. I’m going to bed.
Defeat....the feeling you get when you realize the "next" level is just as hard......
Marriage is like a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in. Those inside are desperate to get out
Am I the only one who thinks my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair?
what is the difference between a Fly and a mosquito? ``A fly can fly, But a Mosquito can`t mosquito``
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
Leftover bacon? Lol that’s up there with unicorns, leprechauns, and soulmates.
There I was, watching a advertisement when a YouTube video rudely interrupts it...