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Apparently when you donate blood, it has to be "YOUR" blood.
I use to be addicted to soap, but now I`m clean
Last night we were in bed and I asked my wife "What would you like to do to my body more than anything else?" She said "Identify it."
Keychains were invented so that you can lose all of your keys at once.
you know what sucks about being a "chubby guy"....when your girlfriend wants to play with YOUR boobs :)
Hey bill collectors, nice try, but I don`t even call back people I know.
When everything else fails... you always have delusion.
People that are organized are just too lazy to look for things.
I just broke a light bulb. Damn, is that 7 years of bad ideas.
Would it be wrong to ask a one-eyed person if it really was "all fun and games" up to that point?
Jobs are like relationships. You have them, you cry about it. You don’t have them, you cry about it.
I have found my sleep number and it is eleven, eleven beers.
LIFE HACK: Answer your phone "Hello you`re on the air" and 99% of the time people will just hang up
The only benefit of getting new clothes for Christmas is that I don`t have to do laundry for another week or two.
Just ate a sleeve of crackers on my wife`s side of the bed.. I`ll let you know...