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I just called. To say. I texted you.
“I went to Jared” I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
sorry but your password must contain an "uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, and the blood of a virgin"
Do one thing every day that scares you. Or one thing that scares other people.
Starbucks announced guns are no longer allowed in their stores. Seems crazy banks didn`t think of this.
What`s worse to have stuck in your head; a knife or All About That Bass?
No matter what happens this month, at least you’re not a turkey.
Yes, I streaked once on a dare ... all the rest of the times though were just for fun
Stop calling them rednecks. The term is NASCAR-Americans. Y`all.
A hypnotist is just someone that tries to roofie you with jazz hands.
There are sick days, paid holidays, and vacation days. What about "Don`t have any gas to make it to work days"
Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of crap.
Never ask a woman who is eating ice cream straight from the carton how she’s doing.
I wanna lie on the floor and not think for a month or two.
Does this floor I’m laying on make me look unmotivated?