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Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when your finished.
They say swearing is due to limited vocabulary. I know thousands of words, but I still prefer`f*ck off` to `go away`.
I told my daughter we might be getting a blizzard and she asked for one with Reese`s pieces
All the advantages right-handed people have are cancelled out when we have to do our banking at the drive-up ATM left-handed.
I am at my most hostage negotiator when I see my 3 year old with a permanent marker without a lid.
Tupperware: When you want to throw out your food some other day.
The secret to happiness is a good sense of humor and a bad memory.
My life is a constant battle of preventing my muffin top from becoming a pound cake.
If I could be any animal I`d pick a turtle, strictly for the chance, however slight, I could be turned into a ninja.
I’m pretty sure I could start a new life with only the crap in my car.
I copied and pasted your pic of what you ate...and got MORE "likes" than you did. :P
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they´re going to be when you kill them.
I was driving thru Farmville and I had to pee ... so I pulled over and fertilized your crops
I party like a rockstar. A very poor rockstar who isn`t in a band.
Today’s Generation: “Omg my parents never let me have anything.” via iPhone.