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finally got my certification in the mail, I`m officially insane.
If you see anything posted from me that involves something normal or appropriate, it is not me. I believe I`ve been hacked.
I swear I just go to the strip club for the music.
You ran a marathon? I ran like 5 red lights this week...
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately.
I am a very tolerant person until you think differently than me. Then I act like a spoiled little brat.
Therapy helps ... but screaming obscenities is faster and cheaper!
Everyone is gifted......But not everyone opens their present
If at first you don´t succeed ..... buy her another drink
It`s so hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a male teenager.
Sometimes it’s just better to buy new Tupperware than to risk opening the leftovers.
Why buy it for $7 when you can make it yourself with $92 worth of craft supplies.
If we can put a satellite in orbit around a comet 4 billion miles away, perhaps someday we can put a working wireless printer in my office.
If you ring my door bell you better be the pizza guy or a sexy naked lady ... with a pizza.
What was that idiot thinking when he invented white underwear?