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Can`t wait to be full of Christmas beer! I mean cheer. No, I definitely mean beer.
Anyone know when Facebook is sending us our W-2`s?
I can`t afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.
once a homeless guy said to me `Hey you got a dollar` and I said `wow your absolutely right..with psychic powers like that I`m surprised your still homeless` got in my car and left..
This headache feels like dumb people
Limbo champion walks into a bar...he`s disqualified.
Sometimes I wish that I could put my wife on airplane mode.
Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror naked just to remind myself what nobody`s getting.
You can learn a lot about a woman by watching her load a gun.
Just so I`m sure to make friends, I like to walk in the bar carrying a handful of phone chargers.
I always try to learn from the mistakes of other people..... who have taken my advice
I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find `em.
She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found `mute` by now.
USB sounds like a backup in case the USA fails.
After socializing and being nice to people all day it`s nice to sit down, drink by myself, and be an a$$hole on the Internet.