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PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.
I went for a run today. What the hell is wrong with you people why would you do this to yourself you need help.
Be thankful for stupid people, they make it easier for the rest of us to get ahead in life.
There is really no way of knowing how many chameleons are in the room right now.
Since smart watches can now read your pulse, there should be a feature that erases your browser history if your heart stops beating...
If video games have taught me anything, it`s that you`ll automatically get promoted if you kill your boss.
would a fly without wings be called a walk?
If I could bring one dead person back to life I`d bring back Walk Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction..
The best part about going to Wal-Mart is having the book aisles all to yourself.
This year rather than candy for your valentine why not liquor instead.
PMS = Prepare to Meet Satan.
You’ll never get the same results running in place as you will running from a lion.
Love means never having to say you’re sorry until you`ve thought up a good excuse.
How many Weight Watcher points are in an entire bottle of wine?
For our next trick, we should hack into North Korea`s TV system and put Jersey Shore on repeat...