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Arguing with a woman is like buying a lottery ticket, you`re proably not gonna win, but you`re sure as hell gonna try!
The best way to deal with dumb people is to never leave your house sober
Gimmie a P. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an O. Gimmie a C. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an A. Gimmie an S. Gimmie a....oh, nevermind. I`ll finish this later.
I just ended a 5 year relationship. Luckily it wasn`t mine.
This week is the 40th anniversary of the Rubik`s Cube. If you kids don`t know what a Rubik`s Cube is, it`s what people would stare at without human interaction before cellphones. Mel
Sorry to burst your bubble, but your waiter doesn`t really think your choice was excellent.
I SOOOOO wanted Kim and Kayne to name their daughter Wild Wild...
Being ‘clean and sober’ means I’ve showered and I’m headed to the liquor store.
If you get excited that jumping on the bed won`t spill the wineglass on the other side, you`re probably an alcoholic.
If my house is clean, it means that Facebook is not working.
Better late than pregnant.
You`re the type of person who didn`t rewind the Blockbuster VHS...
NyQuil is great. I love the way it comes with it´s own shot glass
A friend suggested I see a therapist but the truth is, I like being f*cked up.
If you’re a douchebag, it’s so easy to find the right hat.