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I’m not drunk, I’m just exhausted from drinking all night.
"what doesnt kill u makes u smaller" -mario Lol
I wonder if people that live in Hawaii have screensavers of bumper to bumper traffic?
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as Kraft singles?
Must be nice to get married and finally know who the number one suspect in your murder case will be
Stages of Drunk: 1. Wow. I can dance. 2. All hats look GOOD on me. 3. Shhh. Don`t wake up the cows.
I laughed more at the Broncos offense then I did at the commercials.
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say "Give me the dumbest thing you can think of."
Life is funnier when you have a dirty mind. ;)
I always like seeing those "Baby on Board" stickers because it`s nice to see agreeable babies out there.
Have you ever ate something so good that you do a little happy dance while your eating it?
I`m tired of hearing about Republicans this and Democrats that. For Christ`s sake people, don`t you realize on July 15th the Twinkie comes back?!?!?!?!
If there`s a "Mr." in front of your cat`s name you`re going to die alone.
A penny for your thoughts, Five bucks if they’re naughty.
It’s sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his crappy ACME gadgets, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.