Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Don`t rush me, I`m waiting until the last minute.
Hey, Dude who flips me off for honking at him in the parking lot, your groceries are on top of your car.
You see I, IΒ΄ve raise a toast to all of us. Who are breakinΒ΄ our backs everyday. If wantinΒ΄ the good life is such a crime. Lord, then put me away, yeah, hereΒ΄s to you
Never throw sunglasses in an argument. If they land perfectly on your opponent`s face there is no known comeback.
What if animals all speak a universal language, and weβre the odd ones out???
In all my years, I have never finished a pencil.
Isn`t it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags. Ok, maybe I don`t know what ironic means.
If I had a dollar for everytime I was distracted, look squirrel!
I like to start my morning off with a good nap.
If I could keep it short, my life would be so much simpler.
It`s fun to chant "Bloody Mary" three times into your car`s side mirror while driving at night and watch her jog to keep up
If you see a porcupine in your yard, that`s my cat and we`re not done with our accupuncture session.
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up -- In 30 minutes? In 3 hours? In 9 years? No one can ever be sure.
They say do what you love & the money will follow. I love doing nothing. We`ll see.
Do you ever just look at someone and think "Wow, let me take off your pants."