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you need a license to drive, but anyone can have a kid.
If you make something easier for yourself they call you lazy. If you make something easier for everyone else they call you a genius.
The best neighbors are the ones you never see.
Whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks..I`m in public.
Gentlemen may not be extinct, but they are definitely endangered
Olive Garden says “When you’re here you’re family”, how could they expect me NOT to think I’m entitled to a free meal.
If Trump wins I`m leaving the country. If Hillary wins I`m leaving the country. This is not a political post, I just want to go on vacation.
To ensure you never cut yourself while chopping vegetables, get a friend to hold the vegetable.
Remember, Christmas is over if you sit on a strangers lap now and ask for stuff it`s because you`re a whore.
You make your own luck`.. a saying most popular with lucky f*ckers
In an alternate universe somewhere, all the ducks are making white girl faces.
I`ll bet I`m the only one in this grocery store with "sh!t for tacos" on my shopping list.
I hate when a website has a picture that you can click and enlarge. Then the "enlarged picture" is the same exact size as the thumbnail!
I hate people who take drugs ... Customs for example.
I didn`t see anyone important today, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes tomorrow.