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Just for kicks I posted "I won the LOTTERY" on Facebook. One girl liked it, then replied to the inbox message I sent her in 2010. *Blocked*
My dog`s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I`d like it to be.
Hump Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Remember that there’s always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or sexier than you. That would be me.
Things to do today.....pet all the spiders in my house at least twice with my shoe.
make little things count. teach midgets math.
Why would I pay someone to scare me at a haunted house when I could just open a can of biscuits at home?
It`s a good idea to test your immune system from time to time by eating a gas station hot dog
Winter is filled with men trying to figure out the least feminine way to apply chapstick.
If anyone ever steals my identity, I hope they show it a good time. Take it skydiving. We`ve always wanted to go skydiving.
This woman just stared at the beer in my cup holder, like she`s never seen a cup holder on a grocery cart before.
B!tches be trippin ... OK, maybe I pushed one.
Yesterday I fell off a 50 foot ladder. It`s probably a good thing I was on the bottom step...
Santa gets all the credit and I get all the debt.
1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance – My stages of getting ready for work