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If it`s true that we are here on earth to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
My car said "low on fuel"..I replied "low on cash"..I`m still waiting for a reply..
Cooking Tip: If you`re tired of always having to boil water everytime you make pasta, boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later ... you`re welcome!
"What did you do today?" "I text messaged." :)
You know what’s funny? Lot’s of sh!t. Loosen up already.
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming
Is it just me, or that sea witch Ursula from the Little Mermaid inspired from a full blown flamboyant drag queen?
I`m sorry, all I hear is your perfume
I just realised that sex is like air..its not important unless you are not getting any.
I like confusing kids by telling them I`m older than the internet
Dreams are like pictures. I don`t care about yours unless I`m in them.
You say hangover. I say out of booze.
Whenever I see a woman breastfeeding in public, my first reaction is to get in line.
I party like a rockstar. A very poor rockstar who isn`t in a band.
I don`t like morning people ... Or mornings ... Or people.