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The best nicknames are the ones people don`t know they have.
So, when is this Old Enough To Know Better thing supposed to kick in?
My fantasy is having two women at once...One Cooking, One Cleaning.
twinkle twinkle little star ... point me to the nearest bar.
They’re called scents, not flavors, I should not able to taste your perfume or cologne.
It is kinda at the point where everything in my life is a movie reference
Last night my wife said to me, “What would you do without me?” Apparently, “Your sister” was the wrong answer.
My boss calls it a cubicle. I call it a happiness deprivation chamber.
Hey.. The tequila I drank wants to tell you a secret.
Stupidity should be painful...really!!!
I hate those new parents who do the `baby talking`, yes I do, yes I do...
To the woman with six screaming kids in Walmart, if you wonder how those condoms got in your cart, you’re welcome.
Only toilet paper deals with more a$$holes than I do.
An empty fridge is a sad fridge.
So there`s a t.v. show called, It`s Me or the Dog?.. I was disappointed to find out its not a game show where people guess who farted