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Life is like chocolate...sometimes you gotta deal with nuts.
More food should come with prizes inside it.
That`s not how I met your mother.
I just got kicked out of the Zoo! How was I supposed to know that real hippos don`t actually eat marbles?
Just like our bodies, our minds need exercise. That`s why I think of jogging every morning.
A walk of shame is always sad. Don`t make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.
It`s a serious Lego project when the 1st thing my 5yo does is take off his shirt and gets me a beer from the fridge.
I thought I`d try yoga to make myself more flexible, but I`m still incredibly stubborn.
Cashier: "Would you like to donate to charity today or are you a giant piece of sh!t?"
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
Just think of how different the world would be if Noah had eaten those two chickens.
It could be worse. Spiders could have wings.
“Yes” is a perfectly legitimate response when asked how many drinks you’ve consumed.
Just ruined $387 worth of blinds in the house, but that fly is dead.
Hey you! Yea you ... Don`t just pass by my status and not say hi.