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Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called “fun sized” should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
I thought Match .com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it`s a website to find love. So I was close.
My mother always told me to never quit something I`m good at. So here is to her for making me realize that i`m good at being drunk!
School taught me a lot of stuff, but the most useful was how to get ready in 15 minutes
Can anyone recommend a good movie to kinda listen to while I stare at my phone?
I don`t speak Spanish, but I`m pretty sure "Dora" means "annoying"
Not to brag, but I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
Nice try horror movies, but everyone in my generation is already terrified to answer their phones
"American Pie" ruined it for any kid that actually does have an amazing story from band camp.
Talking to me this morning is like trying to dribble a ball with not enough air in it.
People were shocked when they found I wasn`t a good electrician. :-)
If I have nosy neighbors, I always like to dig five 7 ft. x 3 ft. x 6 ft. holes in the back yard and every couple of days, Fill one in.
I wonder if New York people find it weird to watch their own city being destroyed in Hollywood movies so many times..!!
Don`t sweat the petty things and don`t pet the sweaty things.
“Is it food time yet?” = The summarization of most of my thoughts.