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Is it just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like I’m choking it to death.
Crazy? ... My therapist does say I should quit talking to myself.
I´m playing that game where the floor is made of lava, so I obviously can´t get off the couch or I´ll die.
?"I hate when people come to MY house, knock on MY door, and then give me the "why aren`t you wearing pants" look."
My dog’s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I’d like it to be.
Girls here is an idea.. instead of spending that much money on make up just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
When people I don’t know ask me what I do for a living I shout “Karma,” and punch them before running away.
Roses are red, so is my wine. Refill my glass and I`ll be just fine.
Last night I was thrown out of the casino for misunderstanding the use of the Crap table.
Why has someone not invented a see-through toaster yet?
you`re about as useless as a red light in grand theft auto
SEX! Now that I got your attention. I just wanted to say, "Have a great weekend!"
The cop at your front door is never a stripper when you want them to be.
When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.
What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?