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It has been brought to my attention that those stick figure decals on vehicles are not "kill" scores, but actually suppose to represent members of the family. I will be removing all my decals to avoid any further confusion.
Dumped my multiple personality girlfriend yesterday. She took it well, not so well, and she was really upset...
Nothing stops a yawn faster than a dog trying to lick inside your mouth
If my sarcasm confuses you it`s because you`re stupid.
Life is not like a box of chocolates. Its more like a jar of jalapeños, what you do today can burn your a$$ tomorrow
Things people say after watching a movie: 5% - I can’t wait for the sequel. 5% - That was a great movie. 5% - That was a complete waste of money. 85% - I gotta pee!!
Today in my local cemetery I came across the grave of Arthur Wynne the inventor of the crossword puzzle. For those that want to know where he is buried it`s 6 down and 4 across.
Today, I did it hard, I did it loud, it was wet, and I did it four times in a row. I wish I wasn’t talking about sneezing.
It`s never going to work out between Mario and the Princess. Most of the time she`s on a whole other level.
Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who`s not interested.
Today is National animals day, please take a moment to remember your ex :p:p:p.
Well, I’m bored again. Time to open the fridge
On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.
If I die, bury me with fire extinguishers. Because: Hell
I feel like we really lowered our expectations of what constitutes magic when we began using it to describe markers