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Being `clean and sober` means I`ve showered and I`m headed to the liquor store.
Currently helping my girlfriend look for her chocolates that I ate 5 hours ago...
It hurts when you go to unfriend someone and you find they`ve beat you to it!
When your life flashes before your eyes does that include the black outs? That`d be cool. Like your life but with never before seen footage.
I thought I was having déjà vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
Parallel lines have so much in common, it`s a shame they`ll never meet
Happy Wednesday 2014 Everyone!
Every now and then when I`m in a room alone I say out loud, "I know you`re listening". If I`m wrong, nobody knows. If I`m right, I just freaked the hell out of some guy.
I wish I had Shazam for faces...
I`m not sure what my credit score is but I`m pretty sure I`m losing.
Guess what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.
I think we`ll be friends forever because we`re too lazy to find new friends.
Sorry I said "What is it?" when you showed me your baby.
I really like that machine at the gym where you put money into it and snacks come out.