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Hot Pockets: For when you want every bite to be a different temperature.
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. ..Especially since I walked there. :)
Men use love to get sex...women use sex to get love...I use coupons to get pizza!
Imagine how bad it would be if everyone could hear what you were thinking.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn`t hire stupid people.
If revenge is a dish best served cold AND revenge is sweet then revenge is basically ice cream. Bring it.
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.
Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you’re trying to escape?
I could write an entire book on excuses,,, but I have to pick my grandma up at the airport.
My boyfriend woke up this morning with a huge smile on his face. I love sharpies
How about a cooking show called "Cookin crap in the Microwave".
I just kicked a can in my driveway and somehow ended up with a goal against Brazil.
If I ever get to an age where the music from the ice cream truck doesn`t make me excited, pull the plug.
My ice bucket challenge: 1. Buy bucket 2. Add ice 3. Add 12 beers 4. Sign into FB and drink