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In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on.
United States is where moms get a day and shark get a whole week.
that awkard moment when someone`s laugh is actually funnier than the joke
Apparently the drunk guy at the urinal next to me is under the impression that I was stung in the leg by a jellyfish.
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`. I`ll definitely turn around and look.
Sometimes I whisper, "I´m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world.
My husband told me that he would leave me if I didn`t give up all my bad habbits.....I nearly choked on my toe nail!
Whenever I read: "Do not exceed recommended dose" I always think, "Challenge accepted!"
when i was little my dad told me that the icecream man only played music when he ran out of icecream well played dad well played
Glad McDonald`s don`t serve hotdogs, I don`t think I could order a McWeiner with a straight face.
I`d be super embarrassed if people saw my google history but only because its all words I should really know how to spell by now
How many “friend-zoned” guys does it take to change a light bulb? None they’ll just compliment it and get pissed when it won’t screw.
Does swimming in debt count as cardio?
If your parachute doesn`t deploy, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
Friday. The golden child of the weekdays. The superhero of the workweek. The welcome wagon to the weekend. The famous F word we thank God for every week.