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What idiot called it the sun instead of a space heater?
Life is basically trying to meet better people than the ones you currently know.
It`s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
i hate not being able to correct the typo i just made in my previous statues update......DAMN IT! I JUST DID IT AGAIN!
It’s not you. It’s me finally realizing that you’re terrible.
Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07
Cheers, to judging people who spell words wrong in their statuses.
I made a New Years Resolution to gain 20 lbs, so I can relish in the sense of accomplishment and success!
I just want a reason to dramatically slide across the hood of a car.
I was cleaning one of my finger guns and accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days..
It`s so hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a male teenager.
I wondered how smokers could afford them, until I realized they don`t have to save for retirement..
Rich people have rehab. Poor people have jail.
Sorry I drunk dialed you at 10am.