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I find you`re total lack of ambition is inspiring.
FYI: Taking permanent marker and writting Aeropostale on Fruit of the Loom tee shirts will NOT fool your teenager.
Our office just got a new conference table. It sleeps 20.
I think for Halloween I am going to go as Karma. Some of you should be worried.
Ahhhh, bad credit…the best identity theft protection.
If I was Neil Armstrong landing on the moon, "That`s one small step for man," would have been, "Screw you every girl who ever shot me down!"
Big shoutout to my neighbors, who left their back door open accidentally, when I needed a few things and didn`t want to go to the store...
The funniest thing about this Facebook status is by the time you realize it doesn`t say anything important, it`s to late for you to stop reading it ... sucker
Oh, so you are thinking about me? I am also thinking about myself.....
Show me on the back of your mini van window where your life went wrong.
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best looking guy in the world, but.... Oh, hell. Now I`m depressed.
I`ve stopped drinking for good. I only drink for evil now.
Cactuses are just heavily armed cucumbers.
It must be exhausting being offended by everything.
I test drove a car last month. Apparently, you`re not supposed to keep the car for a month. At least that what this cop is telling me.