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Either I need to up my dosage or my income.
I`ve single handedly defeated my erection.
I do procrastinate more than I should, but it always gives me something to do tomorrow...
My last post deserves WAY more likes than that....let`s go people....chop chop!
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle
Sometimes it’s just easier to eat the last slice of pizza than fit the box in the fridge.
Lucky Charms should be 98% Marshmallows and 2% of that other sh*t.
Why is it that the instant I buy new chap stick, the old one magically reappears?
All the advantages right-handed people have are cancelled out when we have to do our banking at the drive-up ATM left-handed.
It`s not so much that I have to work that bothers me...oh wait, yes it is.
I’m in no shape to exercise.
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.
People are obsessed with this storm but in a couple months no one will talk about it anymore, which is why they named it after the movie Juno.
Can you shut up now?! Because talking to you sounds less appealing then playing leapfrog with unicorns.
I hope my liquor store is having an after Christmas sale!!