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I noticed you stopped taking your meds. Can I have them?
True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.
Does it count as saving someone`s life if you just refrain from killing them?
Whenever I read: "Do not exceed recommended dose" I always think, "Challenge accepted!"
You know you`re getting old when bending over is a one-way trip.
How to fall down stairs: Step 1 Step 6 Step 7,8,9,11
I’m not saying don’t trust the internet but there’s an alarming discrepancy between the number of ipads I’ve won & the number of ipads I own.
I just realized that when I murder someone my neighbors will describe me as "quiet"
if your looking for love sorry to disappoint you im already in a relationship with fun and freedom. :-)
One of us spends too much time on Facebook.
OK look, if I meet you for a date and you don`t look anything like your pic, then you`re buying drinks for me until you do.
My beard itches, Web MD: Beard cancer
Thursday doesn`t even count as a day, it`s just the thing that`s blocking friday.
You´re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!
If you kept one of those jars where I`d have to put in a quarter every time I swore, you would be a billionaire by the end of the week.