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I wish I had a friend like me
Parallel lines have so much in common, it`s a shame they`ll never meet
Is it really necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down?
All milk is breast milk.
I really like compliments but I don`t want anyone talking to me...
I know you seen me continuously push the "close doors" button while you ran to the elevator. Now it`s just awkward
This "doing nothing" is hard work, how am I supposed to know when I`m done?
It`s all sh*ts and giggles till somebody giggles and sh*ts
There’s so many people I’d love to get the silent treatment from
When everything else fails... you always have delusion.
Wearing my pajamas to Walmart. I don`t want to attract any attention.
Was wondering...when you have a mandatory meeting at work, why do the presenters always thank you for being there?
dont love..dont hurt...keep doing flirt..:)
I’m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team.
It`s nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he`s getting hit by a train.