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Roses are red Your thong is pink Cover that up You`re not as hot as you think.
"Everyone give us money in case something happens and when something happens we`ll call you a liar." -insurance
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics...So glad I found you all.
I couldn`t find the word `Disappear` in the dictionary. Strange!
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the heck are you doing?
Cashier: "Would you like to donate to charity today or are you a giant piece of sh!t?"
There are other things in life besides sex and alcohol. Those other things all suck, but they do exist, I assume.
I hate it when I get too drunk and just kidding I never hate getting drunk!
I feel pretty confident that if anyone ever steals my identity, they will inevitably improve my credit score…
The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever so I can rest medicine didn´t work. I´m going to try 1 bourbon, 1 scotch and 1 beer instead.
"I want to be cuddled, but I want to be alone. Being crazy is hard." - WOMEN
The number of red lights you will hit while driving are directly proportional to how bad you have to pee.
That weirdo that comes into bars and tries to sell roses would make a lot more money if he sold tacos.
The person next to me just farted.. Does this mean my lungs are full of his poo particles -.-