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I’m single by choice. Not my choice, but still a choice!
My mom never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
Lord, grant me the courage to be the person I am under my breath.
Just realized that 90% of Disney cartoons involve lying about your identity to get someone to love you.
Wouldn`t it be great to revive the old "Mutual Of Omaha`s Wild Kingdom" show, but with a new setting? Like a WalMart Store in Kentucky?
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. Except for bodily functions...Hopefully you can control THEM. :/
I think Facebook is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.
Very productive day today, turd-wise
The worst thing about finding out Santa isn`t real is that you realise it was your parents who were to blame for all the terrible presents
Studies show that if you begin a sentence with "studies show," the internet will believe you.
If you are going to call the cops every time you spot me in your bushes I don`t think this relationship is going to work.
Understanding women number 476,395: Women like to talk about their feelings.
Easy come, easy go describes my last 12 cases of beer and 17 relationships.
I`ve noticed that the squirrels are gathering nuts for the winter. Couple of my friends are missing...
I’m thinking there’s some type of filter that prevents normal people from like my page