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For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program
My brain is giving me the silent treatment today.
Just pour the coffee and back away slowly.
2 can keep a secret if one of them is dead...
"I have to go eat cake now", should be a perfectly valid reason for leaving a social occasion where cake has not been provided.
The only thing I understand about Algebra: I look at my X and I wonder Y
Checked a lot off my thought-about-doing-today list.
Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday
Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it`s important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair
Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
Then there was the ex-cop who started his own landscaping business. He called it Lawn Order.
If someone doesn`t respond to your text within 5 minutes, they obviously don`t love you anymore. Probably never did, react accordingly.
I got a new marker today that smells like grapes. Thats why I`ve been so quiet.
Somewhere in the world right now, somebody is buying a house based on its potential for great bathroom selfies.
Billion dollar idea: Make a prescription drug that gets rid of the side effects of all the other prescription drugs.